Friday, October 22, 2021

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    Don’t feel guilty about divorce, Adele.And the song may be useful | Sophie Heewood

    NSEnthusiastic parents across the country felt the pain of guilty cognition last week when Adele broke five years of silence. Talk to trend About her new albumInspired by the end of her marriage. She and her ex-husband, Simon Koneki, have a nine-year-old son, Angelo. Adele says some lyrics of her new song are really for her boy because she doesn’t understand why she had to break up with his dad.

    “Through this record, when he was in his twenties or thirties, who I was and why I chose to voluntarily dismantle his entire life in pursuit of my happiness. I wanted to explain to him, “she told the journalist. Giles Hattersley, in a burst of brutal honesty. “It sometimes made him really unhappy, and it’s a real wound to me and I don’t know if I can ever heal,” she adds, and many distant parents feel quiet. I exposed the knife to my heart. A knife I put myself. pain.

    Oh God, when she says it that way, it sounds pretty rough. But keep your nerves, girl! Think about what Jung said. The biggest impact on children is the non-living life of their parents. I have always thought that it means all the frustration, resentment, and prediction that permeated the children, whether or not their parents intended. Because they have not been there to quench their greatest thirst. Unconscious, unexpressed suspicion that without this marriage they are stuck, not for the little children, they could be living a very different life somewhere.

    Yes, divorce is bloody and horrifying, it is best to avoid it as much as possible, and the green grass on the other side often turns out to be artificial turf. But that doesn’t mean the kids don’t feel any other mental grudge. Looking at the people who grew up with them and those who now have a strong relationship, it seems that it has nothing to do with whether or not their parents were together. The correlation seems to be whether parents were able to be honest with themselves, want more, and try to build better.

    So, since motherhood is widely presented as the end of one’s desires, it’s hard to find the usual words to describe these feelings, so is it easy to say it in a song? Is it easy to sing that you also feel something growing while observing your child’s growth? Perhaps all this is a thrilling perception that it wasn’t what you intended? Does that mean that the ticking of the clock when you wake up every night turns out to be the throbbing of your own heart? “I wasn’t miserable” Adele “But if I didn’t put myself first, I would have been miserable,” he admitted.

    Yes, we all throw ourselves under the bus for our children, which means that it is a fictitious, unlikely, and desperate explanation of the act. It does not mean a daily atmosphere. We can mistake our sublimation for maternal morality.

    I remember when she interviewed musician Bjork after recording a farewell album like Adele. Vulnicura Recorded the end of her marriage to the artist Matthew Barney, who had a daughter. She was wondering if the song should be out there. They were clear and even recorded how long their relationship survived after the “last sexual intercourse”.

    “Protecting my family was clearly the most important thing. It was priority 1, 2 and 3,” Björk told me. “But the fourth … maybe this kind of hunter in me, someone else to look at and evaluate … that person looked at it and said,” No, if you cut out all the nasty parts, It won’t be documented In this journey of sorrow, it won’t help anyone. “

    I think it’s my favorite Bjork album. There is something simple at first glance about it. Music is there to remind us of complex emotions: melody broken hearts, beat immutability, redemption chorus growls. (Okay, Bjork doesn’t sing the redemption chorus like Adele does.) Adele’s song can make us sad, but it’s the sadness we want to feel over and over, so I repeat.

    Last year I published a memoir called Hangover game, A book about my own unusual path to motherhood. (I lived in Hollywood and worked with a celebrity when I learned that I couldn’t have a child, but a week later I was unexpectedly pregnant by a tour musician-and there was more shock coming. .) When I read or sign, I’m a little scared of curiosity and sometimes asked what I think when my daughter is old enough to read my book.

    And I fully understand – I share their curiosity and fear. It’s a question I asked myself many times, and I rarely published books.

    I’m sure some of it will sting, and some of it will present her own life story quite differently than the way she understood it. And there’s an embarrassing sex bit-God, mom, how can you? But after that, and perhaps even after I left, having something in her hands explaining that life is complicated, parents are sexual intercourse, and she is so deep and desperate. Dreamed of what might be unbelievable I loved.

    So keep going, Adele-all our remaining selfish mothers are rooting for you.

    Sophie Heewood is the author of Hangover game

    Don’t feel guilty about divorce, Adele.And the song may be useful | Sophie Heewood

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