5 conversations with your partner before marriage

5 conversations with your partner before marriage

Like everything in life, change and evolution occur over time — and marriage is not exempt from that change.

Married couples have recently faced many challenges that previous generations did not have to face.Recently Technological development Add factors that influence today’s relationships and marriage. Due to these developments, couples who decide to marry need to have a serious and deep conversation that past couples never had to consider.

These are important conversations to take before marriage and should never be overlooked. They can reveal potential deal breakers and determine the long-term compatibility of the couple.

5 conversations to do before marriage

Here are five conversations a couple must have before they get married.

1. How do we face challenges together?

As mentioned above, today’s couples face challenges that past couples never had to consider. These new challenges inevitably create conflicts that couples need to expect.

Couples need to plan how they will face Resolve conflicts When it happened, not when it happened. This also means who is seeking guidance when faced with a deadlock.

Couples of the past were often involved in the community, whether it was religious or just a close family community that could lead a newlywed couple. This guidance or mentorship has created a template for how the couple was trying to resolve the conflicts that would arise in their marriage.

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Many couples today find themselves lacking in that community structure and are isolated trying to navigate the ever-changing world on their own.

Today’s couples think about each other before they get married therapistReligious leaders, or other types of mentors, when the situation becomes severe.

2. How much should the family affect our marriage?

According to the Pew Research Center, the family structure in the United States has changed dramatically, with mixed families becoming the more dominant family structure in our society. With the addition of these families, whether married or divorced, the complex family dynamics that were previously rare exist in our society today.

Couples considering marriage need to discuss how to define the role of the family and where to set clear boundaries to minimize future problems. Marriage of a couple forms a new family that can challenge the dynamics of a previously established family. This can strain the newly formed couple and cause conflict.

It’s great that your partner has an intimate relationship with her mother and talks to her every day, or that your partner has an intimate friendship with her ex-husband. However, these relationships threaten the development of new marriages, such as time and caution. Healthy marriage..

Couples need to discuss these dynamic changes that must be advanced.

3. Do we have a common vision for the future?

According to the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, one of the main causes of divorce is “incompatibility”.

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Incompatibilities can refer to many areas of marriage Parenting, Religion, political views, and economic or personal interests. Overall, it points to a very important conversation that a couple needs to have regarding whether they have a common vision for the future.

A common vision for the future includes not only the current view of these aspects of their relationship, but also the possibilities of what the couple wants to make together.

How would you like to spend time together in the future? Where do they want to live? What do they want to experience together?

Couples who do not grow together are destined to grow apart. So, not only do we need to talk about whether we are looking at the topic before we get married, but we also need to talk about what the couple wants to do in their future.

4. Do you accept each other’s influence?

A study conducted by John Gottman and Neil Jacobson identified an element of relationships needed for success, called “accepting influence.” The ability to embrace a partner’s influence is related to respect for the partner, the willingness to accept the partner’s ideas and ideas, and the willingness to be flexible and compromise.

Couples who can accept each other’s influences tend to stay together and build stronger bonds in their marriage.

Accepting influence does not mean that you have to give in to your partner and agree to everything they suggest.That means both of you are willing to find a midpoint Respect each other In process.

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This is an important conversation for couples before they get married, but it’s often clear if your partner is willing to meet you from start to finish. If a couple appears to be suffering from the issue of power struggle from the beginning, this is often not a good sign of accepting influence, but can be seen as a danger signal.

5. What are our values ​​regarding money and intimacy?

The top two topics that couples compete for are said to be money and sex, and from their experience working with couples, these topics serve as a barometer of marriage health. A detailed conversation on these two topics is essential throughout the marriage, not to mention before the couple gets married.

According to a Family Relations Journal study, financial disagreements between husband and wife can be a major factor in divorce. Today, many couples get married later in life, or have a second or third marriage. money It’s a very important issue that couples need to discuss.

As couples are considering marriage, many couples have already established their own financial portfolio and are now facing the challenge of integrating their assets.

Open communication and transparency are key when trying to make this debate, as money can represent more than just the amount of dollars. Money is alive, afraid, Independence, Power, domination, failure, success. Depending on the financial background that a person brings to marriage.

If the couple is not discussing money at this depth, it can leave a gap in their relationship that is difficult to navigate.

Like money, sex and intimacy can represent more than just physical activity, and what a person has learned about sex during development or in previous relationships is guaranteed to be demonstrated in marriage. I am.

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With sex Intimacy It can represent a variety of marriages, including love, rejection, abandonment, judgment, acceptance, approval, attention, upbringing, bonds, failures, inadequacies, and connections. This area of ​​couple relationships has the greatest potential for healing or injury, depending on how the couple approaches it.

Conversations about sex and intimacy can often result in injured emotions, defenses, and / or avoidance if not done correctly. It is not surprising that lack of sexual intimacy is one of the biggest reasons couples get divorced. Therefore, it is a very important conversation that a couple must have before they get married.

Final idea

Successful marriages are much more difficult today than they were generations ago. Couples have far more things to consider before getting married and have lots of difficult conversations than previous couples.

Divorce costs tens of thousands of dollars, and the negative effects of divorce on children and the emotional consequences that couples can tolerate make the preemptive necessary for couples to ensure a more successful marriage today. It’s even more important to work.

Having these five conversations can be a good start.

Featured Photo Credits: Yolanda Suen via unsplash.com

5 conversations with your partner before marriage

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